Monday, April 14, 2014

It Is National Poetry Month After All

BREAKING DOWN

The pieces resulting from broken
Promises that I made to the mirror
Now serve as the bloody sacrifices that
Fuel the fire preventing me from
Committing necrophilia as I struggle to remember
How to love again.

Love me.
Love you.
Love us.
Separately.
Again.

Slowly, like the smoke rising from dancing flames,
Your remnants have intertwined their scents within
My locs, my speech, and even my heart that now has
Trouble with the grueling feat of producing beats so that
I can love again.

Love me.
Love you.
Love us.
Separately.
Again.

The extraction process is long and
Hard like your body was, like my
Resolve to show you love was.
Now I'm deconstructing a foundation meant to survive
Earthquakes and soul shakes because I had a
Chance to love again.

Love me.
Love you.
Love us.
Now separate.
Again.

Copyright © 2014 Natasha Guy

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Reflection Haiku: An Ode To Travel

I.
Doubts and fear rising,
Threatening cancellation.
My wavering faith.

II.
Going wrong ways in
Airports before finding your
Smile waiting on me.

III.
Multitude of firsts,
Some things more than expected.
Not always bad though.

IV.
Footsteps headed your
Direction. Where does this path
Lead? The promised land?

V.
Time to move along.
The fat lady's sung her song.
Feelings in the wind.

VI.
Wheels up and eyelids
Down. I don't see til on the
Ground. Feet still floating.

VII.
Days pass faithfully.
Pics remind of yesterday.
Seems like just a dream.

VIII.
Washing away scents
Remembered by locs of hair.
Memories draining.

Copyright © 2014 Natasha Guy

First 2014 Poem

The One

You were the one
Who made me laugh
With a two word voicemail.

You are the one
Asking all the wrong questions
At exactly the right times.

You'll always be the one
Who provided the comfiest place
In a quiet room.

For now, you are that one.
Who knows if you are my one.
That story hasn't even begun.

I was the one
Who tried to find the gift
You didn't know you wanted.

I am the one
Poking and prodding until
I find your smile's hiding place.

I'll always be the one
Who helped you discover
How Jack fell down the hill.

He and she are not "they".
You and I are not "we" today.
But always friends, come what may.

Copyright © 2014 Natasha Guy

Thursday, September 26, 2013

Felt Some Kind of Way

Ideally

You and I
Our collective fly
Chillin on a beach
With 2 drinks each
Cuz we like to dream
Yeah, we like to dream.

Running on the treadmill,
Stop to take a break.
Sixth song pops in my ears,
Realize you're runnin late.
It's our normal time
I went and checked it twice
Must be ridin with her,
Huh, aint that nice.

But ideally...

You and I
Our collective fly
Chillin on a beach
With 2 drinks each
Cuz we like to dream
Yeah, we like to dream.

But we live in reality
And the truth is it bites.
Sometimes you're wrong,
And sometimes I'm right
But we keep it moving
Up and down the hills
And every time you touch me
You're giving me chills.

And ideally...

You and I
Our collective fly
Chillin on a beach
With 2 drinks each
Cuz we like to dream
Yeah, we like to dream.

Just like my vision
Us behind closed doors
We shut out everything
All our duties and all the wars
On that beach with drinks
Saw us doing wild things
Maybe mine was red bull
Cuz I think I had wings.

Ideally...

You and I
Our collective fly
Chillin on a beach
With 2 drinks each
Cuz we like to dream
Yeah, we like to dream.

Come drift with me
Let's do it in the sand
Let's walk on the boardwalk
Strollin hand in hand
Cuz ideally
You and I equals "we"
But this shit here
It's reality.


So... (An incomplete collection of haiku)

You're really telling
Me we're creating a new
Forever for "us"?

Redefined; we've drawn
And erased many a line
And now we're just fine.

Forever running
Congruent with another
Less permanent one.

I was right, you know.
Forevers aren't what they used
To be. This is New.

Welcome forever's
Middle. I've been waiting for
Too long to count time.

Maybe we're beyond
Time. I mean that's forever.
Isn't it, sir?


Copyright © 2013 Natasha Guy

Friday, August 30, 2013

Cleaning Up

Messy

So much hurt
After all the years.
A patched up soul,
Still leaking tears.
I'll never not love you.

What I've let you see:
A painted face,
Never once revealed
With the makeup erased.
I've wanted to show you.

My naked body,
Flesh and bone.
You've seen it all
But my soul's never shown.
Always cloaked in fear.

And now that I'm ready,
The ears that await
Would never come back
To participate in my fate.
What a tangled web.

Copyright © 2013 Natasha Guy

Friday, August 23, 2013

New Old Piece

Mourning The Death of a Dream Deferred

Your smile at the thought of her hurts.
Your excitement for the life with no room for me in it weighs heavily on my soul. 
As much as it hurts, I still smile at your happiness, regretting it's not ours. 
But your smile is magnificent.

I lost you when I kept things in. 
When I vowed to never show you how to hurt me again. 
It hasn't been right since you laughed at the pain you didn't know existed. 
Maybe I wasn't really worth the fight.

I've been trying to hold it all in. 
I'd put on the brave face and the smile that doesn't quite meet my eyes, 
And that held you off for quite a while. 
Kept you away from my withering garden of truths.

But I'm tired of being strong. 
I've grown weary of being a fortress for too long. 
My needs have been kept behind my walls of stone. 'Cause in the end, 
I'm always all alone. And that's the way my story ends.

You've caught on that something's wrong, 
But you won't ask the questions that linger in the room like exhaled smoke. 
You lean in for a hug that rips through to my core. 
I stitch up the unseen wound and thank you for the pain you never knew you were inflicting.

So many times you've just barely missed me swiping at tears that disobeyed, 
Daring to show themselves before your departure. 
You came back to find me once. You asked if I was okay. 
I smiled and lied. "You know, ebay."

Because I'm discovering that the love never fades. 
Your happiness is still more important than mine, whether it's the same or not. 
And your smile makes the lies I tell myself worthwhile. 
All that I said before was actually true.

And just maybe I took the wrong lesson from us. 
Maybe I was supposed to learn that there is no such thing as love... 
Damn it. 
There is no such thing as love.


Copyright © 2013 Natasha Guy

Saturday, May 18, 2013

New Words, Old Rhyme



UPSET

Am I upset?
But why am I mad?
You only wanted to show me
Why I don't belong.
I'm such a weakling.
I'm fatter than a bear.
I'm a collection of wrong.
But...why am I upset?

I said I knew these truths.
I know my negative balance.
Why be mad when you repeat it?
Am I crying worthless tears again?
What else is wrong with me?
You figured you knew it all.
No one can be this pointless.
You need to ignore me again.

And so I color it all black.
To match the inside.
Because when it's dark,
No company doesn't matter.
I'm alone despite the voices.
Friend or foe, they are intruders
Shining lights on imperfections.
All the things that make up me.


13 WITHDRAW HAIKU

That is it. I'm done.
I'm throwing my hat in the
Ring; my heart's there too.

Well, no, not really.
There's a chunk of something that
Once resembled love.

You found out where all
My weaknesses tried to hide
And then exposed them.

Each time, impaling
Til scar tissue formed so deep
That's all that remained.

Now I frustrate you with
My inability to
Bleed and produce fruit.

Sow good seed you say.
Then offer me infertile
Soil, hiding your sneer.

Can't help but feel like
I'm playing your court jester
Are you amused yet?

You pull the strings; you
Tell me when and how to dance.
Have I pleased you yet?

"I only want you to
Be happy!" As you paint sad
Frowns upon my face.

Wait, you haven't shown
How worthless I can be yet.
There's more pain to give.

They say you accept
The love you deserve. Guess
This means I get none.

My spirit is a
Poor man's soul. I'd have to pay
To give it away.

So I'm done. That's it.
I'm finally done trying
To give you my love.


YOUR LESSONS

You've successfully hollowed me out.
I am only a shell of who I once was.
Each penetrating stab pushed out moans
And little pieces of my weary soul escaped
On sound waves that littered the spaces.

You set me free.

Now you've come back to mock the echo.
Seeds you drop onto barren emptiness
Refuse to take root in stale, musty air
And you look down upon me in condemnation.

How dare my spirit run dry.

You taught me to never love again,
Giving me the recipe for a petrified heart.
You were only comfortable with me
When my eyes went cold and dark.

I am no longer home.

You are living proof that I am not deserving.
My reflection in your eyes gave truth.
Even with all the good inside of me,
The bad continuously outweighs it repeatedly.

But no one turns down free milk.


JUST ONE NIGHT

It is not a night of debt,
But one of desire and need.
You didn't have to volunteer.
When you did it made me smile.

I wouldn't have to pretend...much.
Cries of ecstasy, not far fetched.
Truth tipped lies could fill the air
With enchanting melodies.

Lie to me sweetly
For just one night.
Pretend the love you claim
Actually exists.

Let me believe
For just one night
That I mean something,
To someone, somewhere.


Copyright © 2013 Natasha Guy

Sunday, April 7, 2013

National Poetry Month - week 1


Here are this week's offerings, in no particular order!

1. The Truth Is
The truth is harder to swallow than that daily dose of castor oil.
It’s sometimes harder to deliver than the next Guinness Book of Records’ largest baby.
The truth is rarely easy.

I can roll it all over in my head time and time again.
But when faced with questions, the truth is as honest as I can ever be.
Sometimes, the truth hurts.

Truth is…
I’m on a familiar road with a different cohort.
The company seems to change the scenery.
Things that I thought I knew shine with newness.

My truth is changing
And it’s all because of you.
The moon’s other side.

2. Hidden Truths
Dancing in twilight,
Drenched in star’s tears.
Dreams evaporating.

Yearning for Love.
Yesterday still vibrates between
Your ear drums.

Saturated purity.
Salt on healed wounds.
Scripted eulogies.


Such are the rewards of sinners.


3. Ten Wavering Stages
I.
“Trust me when I say,
‘Take my hand and let me show
You reality.’”

II.
The dream maker is
Whispering into your ears,
Asking for your trust.

III.
Are you strong enough
To yield to good intentions
Of promise keepers?

IV.
You’ve searched and found no
Deal breaking faults within.
Will you stop looking?

V.
Or do you instead
Chase your dreams away, citing
There’s an imposter?

VI.
When your mind and soul
Both scream, “This is not a farce!”
You still negate it.

VII.
You choose to reject
A presentation of your
Sincerest wishes.

VIII.
Does it feel good to
Be so damn rightfully wrong?
Stubborn, spoiled brat.


IX.
The only constant
Thing is change, but this could have
Lasted a lifetime.

X.
Get your endurance
Up, champ. You can still catch them
Before the sunsets.

4. Questioning Reality
Wait…this can’t be right.
How can this new person offer
What I think I want
Without prior knowledge of me?

Who’s been spying on my dreams?
Did someone find my heart’s diary?
Things seem to be too…enjoyable.
What do I do if I get what I’ve been asking for?

Can they really supply things
I never knew to ask for
Because I never thought they exited?
Maybe I’m still dreaming.

How long do wayward sleepy thoughts drag on?
Do they have the ability to span a lifetime?
Will I be violently shaken from my perpetual branch of certainty?
Can someone really be, “all the reasons” forever more?

A never-ending stream of questions swirls in my brain.
I wonder if it makes streaks like melting
Marshmallows sinking into hot cocoa in winter.
The world may never know.

5. Perpendicular Truth
I’m trying to write you out of my system.
You are hesitant and I’m over eager.
You’re scared and cautious while I stand ready.
This I what I tell myself.

I can’t stand to hear, “You’re great, but…” again.
It lingers on the tip of your tongue, taunting my soul.
I pray religiously to the cat that holds your tongue.
“Don’t use up the last of your nine lives tonight!”

I still want to become the habit for which you refuse rehab.
“She’s mine and I like it that way.
If this is wrong, I don’t want to be right!”
Embracing what I feel and pouring out the same.

But reality serves hard justice when
Faith and hope wear thin.
Someone told me, “It’s often the most religious
Who need a refresher course in faith.”

I don’t know how long I can do this,
But I’m also not sure if I can actually stop.

6. Priceless
I’m afraid that I may break you.
It’s the simplest way to state it.
I might hold you too tight and crush you,
Or I may not hold tight enough.
Then you’ll slip right through my fingers.

What do you offer to the one who has everything?
You give the things that money cannot buy.
Build memories ten stories high so that
There will always be a grand tale to tell.
Be a light at the end of the tunnel.

What makes things valuable
Are the reasons behind them.
One dried up, withered flower, useless,
Brings tears to eyes that remember
The first kiss that followed the gift.

I’m still discovering the reasons
That make you who you are,
Each one adding more value to
The person I hold dear.
To me, you’re already invaluable.


Copyright © 2013 Natasha Guy

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Another One For Today


Painful Senryu


I.
You've left me tattered
On the inside while leaving
The outside pristine.

II.
Like the ocean's calm
Surface, with raging currents
Just below.

III.
So much is brewing
Just beyond prying strangers'
Eyes. Turmoil all mine.

IV.
It's almost funny
To see you concerned with the
Horrid aftermath.

V.
I'd crack a Cheshire
Smile if I thought I'd manage
To avoid sneering.

VI.
My face would betray
Me though. Being directly
Stitched to brokenness.

VII.
I've not yet learned the
Useful art of hiding my
Overwhelming feels.

VIII.
Don't look too long into
The churning pools of distress
Lest you join me.

IX.
It's not a place I
Wish for anyone. Move on
Far away from here.

X.
Better yet, you may
Wanna keep on going far
Far away from me.

Copyright © 2013 Natasha Guy

Early Morning Leaking

Smoke Signals

Dousing cotton candy dreams in 
An inferno of liquid sorrows.
This is what romanticizing 
Without protection leads to.

But I am resilient; previous
Beautiful blazes prove it.

I've learned exactly how far to
Stand back in mourning while
Glowing embers create
Choreographed reflections in my eyes.

And love's charred corpse
Prevents frostbite on my heart.

Again, I return to witness
The rebirth of the phoenix.
I cast my eyes downward,
Apologetic as she rises.

For I am the one who led her
To yet another fiery demise.

All of the pain involved,
Each tear turned to steam,
Every scream that erupted,
I know that I caused them.

I can't truly apologize because
I have not one regret at all.

I'd still lead her into battle,
Risking it all, for the chance
To experience even the most
Minute sense of endearment.

You don't build Love Eternal by
Fearing dips in the deep end.

Baptizing the soul thoroughly,
Cleansing it of disappointment,
It is my duty to encourage newly
Formed wings to take flight.

Life without love just isn't living.
Without a new heart, it isn't forgiving.

©2013 NLGuy